Man kills himself for enjoying 'Jamie's Summer Food Rave Up'

11-07-12

31-YEAR-OLD Tom Logan took his own life after failing to hate TV chef Jamie Oliver’s festival-themed show, it has emerged.

The last face Logan ever saw

Oliver’s latest Channel 4 series features the chef at a food and music ‘Feastival’, interspersing cookery with snippets of anodyne 90s indie and demographically-diverse revellers pointing at the air.

Logan’s girlfriend Emma Bradford said: “Tom loathed Jamie Oliver with a passion, referring to him as ‘Sainbury’s grinning fuck pet’ which I thought was a bit extreme. I mean, he’s just a cook, right?

“Anyway, I made him watch Jamie’s Summer Food Rave Up because I like that sort of thing. At first Tom was practically foaming at the mouth, saying things like, ‘I wish I could get in the telly, like the witch from Ring in reverse, and take the handbrake off that camper van so it rolls over his big head and squashes it like an overripe pumpkin’.

“As it turned out, I didn’t particularly like the show and eventually suggested we watch something else. But, oddly, Tom refused, saying he just wanted to see how Jamie cooked his jambalaya for Dalston knitting club.

“Tom said to me, ‘Jamie actually makes cooking seem fun. His friendly, casual style demystifies the process and the festival setting provides a nice summery backdrop’.

“Then he got this weird look in his eye.

“After the programme he went upstairs while I watched CSI. I never saw him alive again.

“He left a note saying, ‘I have become the thing I hate’.”

 

 

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