Man permanently scarred by four-star review of Radiohead album

A RADIOHEAD fan will never fully recover from reading a four-star review of their new album, it has emerged. 

38-year-old Nathan Muir, of Reading, said the less-than-perfect review for A Moon Shaped Pool has left him with post-traumatic stress disorder. 

He continued: “When the album came out on Sunday, all I could do was hope. Surely this time. Surely the reviewers would realise the harm they could do. 

“But when the first review arrived, in the Guardian, it was as plain as day. Four stars. Only four stars. 

“I tried to believe their review system had switched to a four-star scale. I tried to make them see reason by threatening to burn down their office in the comments section.

“Not only is the rating recorded on Wikipedia for generations to come, it’s brought the album’s Metacritic score to below Beyonce’s Lemonade, and she’s a woman. 

“I haven’t slept since. All I can see are those four stars burned in my retina, sapping my strength, leaving me hopelessly, wretchedly depressed. 

“Also I’ve been listening to a lot of Radiohead, which doesn’t help.”