NINTENDO’S forthcoming Mario Kart 8 is to include Martin Amis as an unlockable character.
The novelist, who is a cult figure in Japan, will drive a customised dune buggy and his special move will be to knock rivals off course by hurling streams of erudite scatological invective.
Other playable characters are thought to include artist Jack Vettriano, post-war Chancellor of the Exchequer Sir Stafford Cripps and 90s pop star Gina G all of whom enjoy inexplicable popularity with Japanese audiences.
Amis said: “The runaway success of Super Amis World II: Amis Island, with players really responding to the quest to rescue Baby Zadie Smith from the clutches of a gigantic Will Self, made this the logical next step.
“I acted as adviser on that game – the player turning into a wasp when he headbutts a striped block was my idea – and I’ve contributed a few ideas to this, including the race set inside a giant Jaffa Cake.”
Cultural historian Joanna Kramer said: The Japanese have a very different take on Western icons. Robert De Niro is primarily known as a whisky salesman over there, and when he attempts to appear in a film audiences get furious and throw missiles at the screen.
“Martin Amis is viewed as a capering spirit of undependable luck and sexual good fortune in the Far East, where he has his own line of ribbed condoms and sake shots.
“Very different from over here, where we consider him a boring, big-headed bastard.”
