Old Terminator needs constant reboots

03-07-13

A NEW Terminator movie will star Arnold Schwarzenegger as an outdated robot assassin plagued by frustrating software problems.

Its hunt-kill capacity is further reduced by a bad knee

Its hunt-kill capacity is further reduced by a bad knee

The T-Windows ’95, sent back from the future to kill leader of the human resistance John Connor, will suffer buffering issues, an inability to download the right drivers and says “I’ll be back” even when it’s not going anywhere.

A Paramount spokesman said: “It arrives naked outside a gay bar as usual but when it scans people for clothes they’re just little red Xs due to a lack of bandwidth.

“Every time it even gets close to killing Connor it’s completely disabled by a pop-up asking it to update Adobe Acrobat.

“And when it despairingly downloads an anti-spyware toolbar it gets infected with a Trojan and can’t get past a 404 error even when restarted multiple times.”

Connor must also battle the T-Android, a technologically advanced machine crippled by its constant demands for costly in-app purchases to give it weapons, bullets, and the motivation to kill.

Finally he faces off against the Apple iKiller, a sleek, beautifully-designed robot with a great user interface that just won’t quite do the things it needs to do and doesn’t have any buttons it can press to explain why.

A further planned sequel features a more advanced version of the Terminator with the catchphrase “Hasta la Windows Vista, baby.”

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