Palin v Bachmann to become Japanese monster film

20-06-11

THE studio which produced Godzilla and Mothra has purchased the character rights to Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, it has emerged.

Bachmann believes fleeing from her in terror is anti-American

Legendary Japanese monster film creators Toho Studios is currently developing the feature film Palin vs Bachmann: Battle for the Teapots in which the prospective presidential candidates are depicted as towering, destructive extra-terrestrial beings fighting for dominion over the Earth’s craziest psychopaths.

They will be portrayed by anonymous middle-aged Japanese men in rubber suits.

A studio spokesman  said: “The story begins with 50-storey Palin, Queen of the Monsters, safely ensconced on Monster Island, behind a giant electrified fence.

“Huge and indestructible with serrated bear claws each bigger than a village, Palin is kept appeased by the natives of Monster Island with a diet of homosexuals and abortionists, which are sailed into her maw on massive edible ships.

“Then a gigantic right-wing asteroid crashes into Minnesota, causing a defeaning shock wave of unhinged conspiracy theories and Bible-based science that leaves millions of people incredibly stupid.

“Bachmann emerges from the space rock with a planet-shaking roar, firing deadly rays from the black, teat-like protruberances covering her 1000ft body.

“As Bachmann rampages across the globe humanity is left with no choice but to release the only force destructive enough to stop her – the original Mama Grizzly.”

He added: “I won’t spoil the ending but it involves an oil rig full of nuclear warheads and a possible guest appearance from Rodan, the giant pterosaur.

“We believe this film will be a hit because it has all the ingredients of a classic kaiju or ‘giant monster’ film but with the added bonus that the antagonists are weirdly sexy.

“Also currently on our slate is Gordon Brown Meets Gamera, a project hinged entirely on the fact that the name sounds good.”

 

 

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