Palin v Bachmann to become Japanese monster film
THE studio which produced Godzilla and Mothra has purchased the character rights to Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann, it has emerged.
Legendary Japanese monster film creators Toho Studios is currently developing the feature film Palin vs Bachmann: Battle for the Teapots in which the prospective presidential candidates are depicted as towering, destructive extra-terrestrial beings fighting for dominion over the Earth’s craziest psychopaths.
They will be portrayed by anonymous middle-aged Japanese men in rubber suits.
A studio spokesman said: “The story begins with 50-storey Palin, Queen of the Monsters, safely ensconced on Monster Island, behind a giant electrified fence.
“Huge and indestructible with serrated bear claws each bigger than a village, Palin is kept appeased by the natives of Monster Island with a diet of homosexuals and abortionists, which are sailed into her maw on massive edible ships.
“Then a gigantic right-wing asteroid crashes into Minnesota, causing a defeaning shock wave of unhinged conspiracy theories and Bible-based science that leaves millions of people incredibly stupid.
“Bachmann emerges from the space rock with a planet-shaking roar, firing deadly rays from the black, teat-like protruberances covering her 1000ft body.
“As Bachmann rampages across the globe humanity is left with no choice but to release the only force destructive enough to stop her – the original Mama Grizzly.”
He added: “I won’t spoil the ending but it involves an oil rig full of nuclear warheads and a possible guest appearance from Rodan, the giant pterosaur.
“We believe this film will be a hit because it has all the ingredients of a classic kaiju or ‘giant monster’ film but with the added bonus that the antagonists are weirdly sexy.
“Also currently on our slate is Gordon Brown Meets Gamera, a project hinged entirely on the fact that the name sounds good.”