Popular music to improve
WITH almost eight million people under 25 unemployed popular music could soon be slightly less vacuous, it emerged last night.
With rising university fees, bankers killing anything that moves and wave upon wave of unremitting social grimness Britain’s abandoned generation now has no excuse not to deliver a series of outstanding tunes.
Nineteen year-old singer-songwriter Michael Firth, said: “Most of my songs so far have been about problems with my mobile phone contract and the exceedingly long till queues in H&M.
“With Coldplay’s next album covering the subject of OCD I did think I was penning some fairly meaty stuff.
“But faced with the prospect of having to fill pork pies with jelly for a living I am now officially angst-sodden.
“We’re totally fighting a class-based financial war and I have a burning desire to reflect it in a song that will inevitably sound quite like Eton Rifles.”
Simon Cowell has also been moved by the plight of his customers and has ordered his indentured songwriters to focus on alienation and the need for far-reaching social and economic reform.
X Factor winner Matt Cardle said: “It’s tough out there for the kids right now. Money’s tight and they need some classic tunes to let them feel we’re all in this together.
“So my new single is about how I met this beautiful girl, but the vibe wasn’t right in the club so I ended up talking to someone else.”
He added: “If you had asked me six moths ago if I was going to be this generation’s Joe Strummer I would probably have said no.”