Question Time to include gerbil, cardboard cut-out of Rio Ferdinand and two-day old baby


NEXT week’s Question Time will see the first appearance by a gerbil on the BBC’s flagship political debate programme.

The leaves finished 12th in the 2002 series of Masterchef

Following the corporation’s decision to ban human adults who have the faintest idea what they are talking about, the gerbil will be joined by a two day-old baby, a half-size cut-out of Manchester United star Rio Ferdinand, a one litre bottle of San Pelegrino and some leaves.

Although many of the topics will be decided on the day, insiders say they are preparing for questions on issues such as sunflower seeds, where your mummy is and whether a gently carbonated bottle of mineral water would have scrapped the RAF Nimrods.

A spokesman said: “We were going to invite the actual Rio Ferdinand but his brain seems to have been reasonably engaged as of late and that simply will not do.

“We’ve gone with the cardboard cut-out because it can’t read a newspaper, while we wanted to get the leaves on next week as after that they are due to be used for mulch.

“The gerbil we have chosen at random has some interesting things to say about deficit reduction when he is not scampering across the floor in a desperate bid to escape from the giant creatures who keep picking him up and putting make-up on him.”

He added: “The baby was born on Wednesday so by next Thursday it will actually be eight days-old, so it’ll be interesting to see if shitting itself and being sick for a week has affected its views on Islamic fundamentalism.

“We’re hoping it won’t get hungry during transmission as David Dimbleby wants to suckle it and of course there is no watershed after which that would be acceptable.”



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