Radio One Told To Take Some Time Off

RADIO One has been ordered to take a week off after colleagues expressed concern over her increasingly erratic behaviour.

A banana leaf wrap and a cinnamon massage should chase away that nasty old stress

The national pop music station is understood to have been suffering from severe stress in the run up to Christmas, culminating in the hysterical censoring of a 20 year-old song.

The station then reversed her decision before locking herself in the toilets and smoking half a packet of Marlboro Lights.

The move follows an 'intervention' by Radios Two, Three and Four as well as the BBC World Service.

Radio Three said last night: "Poor, darling Radio One has had an absolutely ghastly time recently. I wasn't in the least bit surprised to hear she'd had an 'incident'.

"I went through precisely the same thing a few years ago and refused to play Wagner for a fortnight."

Radio Four added: "I'm lucky, I've got Melvyn Bragg and Kirsty Young to keep me grounded. Dear old Onesy has to make do with a gang of inarticulate 12 year-olds and couple of foul-mouthed northerners."

Radio Two has offered to stand-in while Radio One recuperates at the Elfington Manor Hotel and Spa near High Wycombe.

The veteran station is expected to reassure worried listeners later today by playing the remixed version of Sir Cliff Richard's festive classic, Shit-Cock-Piss-Fuck.