Rowling Unveils Plan To Have All The Money

BILLIONAIRE author JK Rowling last night told a New York court that she would very much like to have all the money there is.

Last month Rowling opened the first Harry Potter Merchandising Landfill near Edinburgh

Rowling, creator of the Harry Potter series of lunch boxes, has launched a legal action against some poor people whose money she wants to add to her own

The author is also demanding worldwide rights to the word 'potter' and any combination of the letters 'h', 'a', 'r', and 'y'.

Rowling said: "When I started out, I was a single mum on benefits, writing in a café because I couldn't afford to heat my home. Even so, I didn't care about money.

"But now I do. A lot. And it's brilliant. If you get the chance you should buy yourself an estate, set aside an acre or two and build a fort out of money. Then you can pretend to be the Queen of Money.

"And of course, if you're the Queen of Money it means you have to have all the money. 

"In fact, I'm going to buy that old café and fill it with money so that when people walk past they'll say, 'that's where JK Rowling wrote Harry Potter and now it's full of her money'."

Rowling said she had worked hard for her fortune, adding: "I invented the concept of wizards and wrote down a lot of words. At one point my fingers got terribly sore.

"But now other people want to write down words about the words I wrote down and then say the money they get from that is theirs and not mine. I don't think so."

Rowling has also warned the manufacturers of oven-fired ceramics that their days are numbered.

"Either change your job title to 'pottists' or give me my money."