Take That riot police ‘just a bunch of dancers’

BRITAIN was heavy with disappointment last night as it emerged that Take That’s riot police are just a group of non-violent dancers.

This sort of thing would have been ideal

Viewers watching the Brit Awards had hoped the Take That police, equipped with riot shields and batons, would turn on their masters, kettling them into the corner of the stage and beating them to within an inch of their lives.

But instead they pranced around in time to the music without once lashing out viciously at Mark or even Robbie, backed by the full force of the law.

Tom Logan, from Stevenage, said: “I wanted to see triumphant arcs of Take That blood splashing against the camera.

“I wanted to see Gary Barlow trying to protect his Nice’n’Easy beach blond highlights against blow after righteous blow.

“Then I wanted to see the police rampaging through the crowd, cracking skulls and pummelling kidneys before setting off back stage in search of James Corden’s big fucking face.”

Helen Archer, from Doncaster, added: “What a waste. You have riot police, you have a huge venue filled with untermenschen baying along to this ghastly, insipid shit and yet no-one suffers so much as a broken collar bone.

“Hopefully the organisers will learn their lesson and next year they could perhaps use tear gas and water cannons. Or crocodiles.”

Jane Thompson, from Hatfield, said: “I know that Mumford and Sons are the Pogues for people who shop at Waitrose, but the Take That riot police could at least have left the lead singer looking like Shane MacGowan.”