Thatcher film ‘not sexually violent enough’

SENIOR Conservatives have attacked the new Margaret Thatcher biopic for its ‘disturbing’ lack of sexual violence.

And he had been really looking forward to it

The Iron Lady, starring Meryl Streep as Britain’s first sexy prime minister, focuses on Thatcher’s political career but fails, according to leading Tories, to accurately depict the seething, erotic menace with which she could instantly fill a room.

Chancellor George Osborne said: “Meryl Streep never played a sexy role in her life, though I suppose hypothetically she did triple-team the blokes in Mamma Mia.

“I was thinking more Marlon Brando from Last Tango in Paris. Or maybe Ursula from The Little Mermaid.”

Former Welsh secretary John Redwood added: “Where was the Munich-style montage intercutting the sinking of the Belgrano, the invasion of Grenada and Thatcher forcing Geoffrey Howe to drink a pint of her warm urine?”

Lord Tebbit, Conservative chairman under Thatcher, recalled: “Once, her bra was clearly visible through her blouse. And she knew it. And we loved it. And that’s basically how the Poll Tax happened.”

London mayor Boris Johnson, said: “In my private moments, I dress as Maggie and ejaculate into one of her handbags that she gave me for being a good boy. Why must this film be such a massive cocktease?

“I’m going to have to nail my scrotum to the coffee table. Again.”