Time traveller warns against getting rid of BBC

A TIME traveller from the future has warned that closing down the BBC may not be a good idea.

Swings and roundabouts

Swings and roundabouts

Although future-soldier Tom Logan is on a mission to hunt down a time-travelling cyborg from the year 2050, he took time out to warn that  television will become even worse without the BBC.

Major Logan said: “In 2023 the government gets rid of the licence fee after pressure from Rupert Murdoch, who is now just a brain in a jar plugged directly into Twitter.

“The result is that all BBC output stops completely, leaving viewers in a nightmarish dystopia where they can only watch cable and satellite toss.

“By 2050, Sky 1 only shows repeats of Stargate SG-1 and The Simpsons, meaning that people with Sky have seen every episode more than 2,500 times.

“The other channels are worse. Without new BBC panel shows, Dave channel just broadcasts a loop of old QI, despite Stephen Fry and Alan Davies having been dead for many, many years.

“There aren’t any quality documentaries, either. In 2050 the Bafta for best factual series went to a Discovery Channel programme about whether implanting sharks with Hitler’s DNA would have changed the outcome of the war.”

Logan said that in 2050 most people get their news from the Daily Mail Channel, which consists of Paul Dacre clones screaming about working mothers, alongside pictures of celebrity vaginas.