Trump swept to victory by fans of poor quality 80s action films


No Merchandising. Editorial Use Only. No Book Cover Usage. Mandatory Credit: Photo by Fury Productions/Ratpax Docu/REX/Shutterstock (5877522a) Chuck Norris Electric Boogaloo - The Wild, Untold Story Of Cannon Films - 2014 Director: Mark Hartley Fury Productions/Ratpax Documentary Films/Xyz Films AUSTRALIA/USA/ISRAEL/UK Lobby Card/Poster Documentary Electric Boogaloo The Wild Untold Story Of Cannon Films

MEN who love the films of Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal are responsible for Trump’s election victory, it has emerged.

An unusually high voter turnout among people whose favourite films are Missing in Action, Death Wish 2 or Lone Wolf McQuade is believed to have sealed America’s fate.

Trump voter Wayne Hayes said: “I believe masculine 80s action films, featuring a foreign baddie and one sex scene shot in silhouette, are the pinnacle of cinema and a template for how to live.

“I particularly like it if they have a paranoid theme, like Invasion USA. I’ve even written a script called Blood Hunter II: Midnight Revenge Attack about a former POW killing gang members with his metal hand.

“He has a dog called Maverick that wears an eye patch.”

He added: “They should show Under Siege in schools, because if you’re a chef on a big boat and it’s attacked by terrorists, you need to be able to save the sexy woman.”

  • Share: