Why wasn't eggs girl carrying a harpoon gun?

10-06-13

BRITONS are demanding an investigation into why the Britain’s Got Talent protestor didn’t bring a harpoon gun instead of eggs.

Only a sacred dagger can kill Cowell

The chicken has distanced itself from the egg

30-year-old violinist Natalie Holt smuggled Marks & Spencer eggs onto the BGT stage and pelted Simon Cowell.

But Britons have been left wondering why she wasn’t properly prepared, perhaps with a harpoon gun or Zulu thrusting spear.

Plumber Wayne Hayes said: “What if she’d been carrying some kind of spearing device – which she could easily have fitted into a large violin case.

“Cowell would have been skewered to his chair while Les Dennis’s ex-wife mouthed the word ‘fuck’ and a crimson-drenched PJ and Duncan mumbled something about an ad break.

“That would have been a truly memorable Saturday night’s entertainment, certainly more up my street than silhouette dancing.

“These protestors really need to get their shit together.”

However a Britain’s Got Talent source confirmed that David Walliams is contractually obliged to hurl himself between Cowell and any potential assassin.

The source said: “In the event of a weapon being pulled, Walliams is to leap across the desk and shield Cowell with his large body.

“David has prepared for his moment of sacrifice with pre-scripted dying innuendos like ‘He just whipped it out and it went off…’ and ‘That man’s put a hard thing in me and it hurts.’”

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