Airlines crack down on fraudulent vegetarians

27-05-11

AIR passengers will have their in-flight meal choices stored on a database in a bid to catch fake vegetarians.

This smells almost as bad as your lies

Airlines claim they are currently losing millions of pounds a year to bespoke meal fraud by deceitful carnivores.

A US Airlines spokesman said: “Meat eating passengers are ticking the vegetarian meal box when booking their ticket just because it makes them feel a bit special for a while.

“Others simply claim to be vegetarians during a flight so they will get their meal sooner or because, for some reason, they don’t like the look of the chicken.”

One airborne vegetarian admitted: “On the ground I would eat rare veal but I just don’t trust meat once you get it past 30,000 feet.

“And why is all airline meat the same shape? Is a chicken the same shape as a pig? No, it is not.

“Also, a lot of young women are vegetarian these days and I really, really need to have sex.”

Under the proposals any ‘new’ vegetarians boarding planes will be asked to take a ‘vegetarian citizenship test’ where they must identify various roots and pulses from picture cards as well as demonstrate how to make a black bean and zucchini quesadilla.  

The spokesman added: “Coming on our planes, eating all our cous-cous. And as for pretend vegans, we should be allowed to throw them into the ocean.”

 

 

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