Bankers blame capitalism for their arrogance


BANKERS have blamed the capitalist system for thinking they are better than everyone.

Sir Philip stressed there is nothing he can do about any of this, even if he sort of felt like it

RBS chairman, Sir Phillip Hampton, confirmed that all bankers, even the really thick ones, are self-satisfied pricks, especially when the government has to takeover their bank because they clearly don’t know what they’re doing.

But he insisted it was important to continue to pay all them very large sums of money so they find it impossible to think that anything other than what the bank does is absolutely right.  

Other bankers backed Sir Philip stressing that blaming them for their own arrogance is like blaming gravity for someone falling over.  

Julian Cook, a senior executive at Donnelly-McPartlin who invests in things that will never exist, said: “It’s like being in a club that no one else can join and that feels good. If you can’t get into the club that’s not my fault, it’s capitalism’s.

“You should send it an angry letter, filled with exclamation marks.”

He added: “If being wealthy and thinking I’m brilliant wasn’t so great I’m sure I’d be helping orphans who don’t have feet. But – and I stress that this is completely beyond my control – it is.

“So that means this evening I’ll be munching on slice after slice of prime beef and snorting gak off a fancy prostitute’s shimmering nipples while you got to Asda and buy a cheap thing that’s already been cooked.

“And there’s nothing you or I can can do about it, which is surprising because I’m so fantastic.”


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