Banks To Not Lend You More Of Your Own Money
BRITAIN'S banks are to receive more of your money so they can continue to not lend it to you, it has emerged.
The banks say a second bail-out will be essential if they are to achieve their medium-term strategic goal of having all the money and throwing you out of your house.
Treasury sources admitted the initial multi-billion pound bail-out had not unlocked the credit markets as hoped and so the banks may now have to be filled with £10 notes until they burst.
Economists say this policy of 'quantatative bursting' will mean some money will eventually have to be released from the building so bank employees can at least get to their desks.
The government hopes this money will be picked up in the street by consumers who will then spend it on Jaguars and fine china.
A Treasury spokesman said: "Most of the banks have just piled the first lot of money in corridors and cleaning cupboards, although HBOS does seem to have spent quite a bit of it on magic beans and aromatherapy oil.
"We did plant the beans in the hope a massive beanstalk would appear which would then lead to a magical, golden egg-laying goose-type scenario. But that didn't happen."
He added: "We think the beans may have been eaten by a homeless man, or possibly a crow."