Bannatyne invests £250,000 in the Reggae-Reggae Arm-Breaker

03-08-11

SCARY dragon Duncan Bannatyne last night said he was ‘in’ for 30 per cent of a funky device that breaks people’s arms.

'Aaaaaaaaargh! Aaaaaaaaaargh! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!'

The incredibly unnerving millionaire was convinced by a ‘Dragon’s Den’ pitch from entrepreneur and former nightclub doorman, Wayne Hayes.

Hayes’ prototype is fashioned from a specially adapted Ikea Poang chair fitted with four 16lb hammers and eight bed springs and is powered by an ordinary car battery, or can be plugged into the mains.

Small speakers in the chair play UB40 songs so the victims can imagine they are having their arms broken as the sun sets on a palm-fringed Caribbean beach.  

Hayes, also known as ‘Fucked-Up Wayne’ and the ‘Hatfield Bastard’ said: “There is a huge market for the Reggae-Reggae Arm-Breaker, particularly among deeply menacing tycoons who want to hunt people down and do appaling things to them in the back room of a disused abattoir.”

“Mr Bannatyne is very enthusiastic about the franchising opportunities, but does want me to fit it with bigger hammers and a power saw.”

Bannatyne, who has been watching The Long Good Friday over and over again for the last 24 hours, said: “The only good grass is the grass that works for me.

“Razors – cut ‘im.”

Hayes added: “If the Reggae-Reggae Arm-Breaker works then we hope to expand the market with the Rastaman Spine Crusher 2000 and Wayne and Duncan’s Funky Ball Mangler.”

 

  • Share:

  • Badger_Pic_inside