| BRITAIN GETS UP AT 4AM TO BUY RECORD AMOUNT OF CRAP |
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MILLIONS of people got up in the middle of the night to buy vast amounts of shit they did not need yesterday, after stores told them it was now a bit cheaper.
Nikki Hollis, 26, said she had hit the sales looking for make-up and sex toys but ended up with a bag of Quality Street and a set of cotton handkerchiefs monogrammed with the letter ‘F’. She said: “I also got a pair of men’s breeches with a 41-inch waist, a paraffin lamp and a yo-yo which lights up when you roll it along the ground. It’s been a great day.” Bill McKay, 48, said he had bought a sign saying ‘Sale: 50% off’ for a third of its marked price, a piece of used chewing gum for only 3p, and had a dog shit thrown in for free. |
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