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| COMPANIES RESORT TO EMPLOYING THE WELSH |
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| 16-07-09 | |
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THE recession took a turn for the worse last night as new figures revealed more businesses have resorted to using low cost Welshmen.  It's almost human Wayne Hayes, a warehouse worker from Chester, said: "I saw this odd creature stacking boxes. The boss said it's from somewhere called 'Llanerch-y-Mor', which I can only assume is a suburb of Mordor." Wales still suffers from large scale unemployment with many unable to work due to a chronic sense of victimhood and vitamin D deficiency from lack of sunlight. Singer Charlotte Church's bar tab currently accounts for 42% of the country's GDP. Meanwhile trade unions have called for increased safety checks warning an improperly-handled Welsh can explode in a shower of glowering resentment and vowel-free syllables. Roy Hobbs, who employs 12 Welshmen at his factory in Shrewsbury, said: "They're charming little fellows that can easily be trained to do menial tasks. I sometimes think they almost understand what we're saying." He added: "They're initially skittish around machinery but give them a pallet of straw to sleep on and a flagon of Brains Bitter every night and they're happy as larks." But many are angry at the introduction of the Welsh. Nikki Hollis, an accounts assistant from Ludlow, said: "How would you like an Ian Woosnam look-a-like screaming Tom Jones down your ear and rubbing his crotch against your cheek while you're trying to do the regional sales figures?" |
