Corporate marketing tool to warm morons’ hearts

IMBECILES around the UK are preparing to be enchanted by an advert for a big shop.

The hare has bought a thing

The hare has bought himself a bargain

John Lewis’s seasonal emotion-manipulator debuts on TV this Saturday. It is ostensibly about friendship despite its actual message of ‘purchase objects’.

Fucking idiot Tom Booker, who watched the ad on YouTube, said: “A hare and a bear are friends. I am a grown man but I like that concept because I am intensely stupid.

“I love these epic Christmas ads because my feeble mind can’t work out when to have an emotion.

“It’s a nice, warm thing to have my feelings expertly puppeteered by a large company.”

Moron Emma Bradford said: “Is the John Lewis ad a well-crafted but ultimately cynical festive tale that exists only to generate more profit?

“If so, I’m in. Cartoon animals and shopping are my top things in the world.

“Anyone who doesn’t like those things is just mean.”

Naturalist Roy Hobbs said: “In real life, if a bear got close enough to a hare it would bite it in half then yank out its steaming giblets.

“Merry Christmas everyone!”