Defence merger halted by time travelling robot

11-10-12

BAE Systems and EADS have decided to cancel their planned merger, after a robot from the future threatened to kill everyone involved.

The robot is British-made

According to the android, if the firms merged they would create an unstoppable mechanized army that would wipe out mankind by 2021.

The humanoid robot arrived from the future last weekend, appearing stark naked in the middle of the A12.

When asked why he travelled nude, the machine said: “The scientists in charge of time travel are colossal perverts.”

The robot then gate-crashed a meeting between BAE Systems and EADS, and issued a stark warning.  He revealed that in less than 10 years mankind would lose a war with ferocious killing machines built by the two firms.

Representatives from the companies immediately called off the merger, admitting the prophesy ‘sounds like something we’d do’.

The robot has since moved in with Radio 1 DJ Fearne Cotton, who he describes as ‘the all time number one human’.

According to the robot: “Before they died, all the future humans loved Fearne Cotton.

“They acted like her and talked like her. It was well random.”

The public is now clamouring for BAE Systems and EADS to merge as quickly as possible and make their killing machines extra deadly.

 

 

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