Facebook apologises for ugly-recognition software

08-06-11

MARK Zuckerberg has admitted that a Facebook app automatically highlighting how hideous people are was a mistake.

You're looking especially lovely today

The unannounced addition was spotted after a Carlisle woman noticed that her profile photo had been given a caption comparing her to Red Rum’s arse after the 20th fence of the National.

Zuckerberg said: “We realise now that half the fun of Facebook is posting links to people’s homepages and asking their friends how the person in question manages to shave without throwing up.

“Here at the HQ we’ve got a whole wall of terrifying fuglies that we have to sprint past to get to the canteen. It’s like a family barbecue at Lizzie Bardsley’s house.”

Obsessive Facebook users may also soon be facing a blank page after further software was installed to measure how much anyone should give a shit about their lives.

Complex logarithms and a spellchecker looking out for the words ‘lol’ and ‘party’ will be able to remove status updates and invites for whatever self-involved prickfest ‘friends’ insist on inviting everybody to.

Zuckerberg added: “If it works like it’s supposed to – and we’re talking about Facebook so get your head round that little caveat – the whole site should only have to cope with about seven status updates a day.

“Deaths and wedding announcements should just about cover things, along with births, but of course those last two could very well fall foul of the new Uglinator© software anyway.”

Civil rights campaigners have voiced their concerns that the website is infringing something or other in a way they were not able to satisfactorily quantify.

But their fears were answered after Zuckerberg sent a gang of tight-suited heavies around to hoof their computers into traffic if they were unable to stay off the internet for more than three bastard minutes at a time.

 

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