Firms Not Allowed To Ask Why Your CV Is Filled With Lies

15-01-08

POTENTIAL employers are to be barred from asking interviewees why their CVs are filled with rubbish from beginning to end.

'So, did you enjoy being an astronaut?'

A recent CBI study suggested that if workers were forced to tell the truth on their resumés, Britain's employment rate would drop to roughly zero.

The government has now expanded the list of 'no-go' interview questions, allowing candidates to portray themselves as hard-working and intelligent, rather than lazy fantasists who spend all day playing Facebook Scrabble.

John Hutton, the secretary of state for business, said: "The last thing we need is to lift up this particular rock.

"Far better to carry on believing that everything is true and that everyone is just great."

Other 'no-go' interview questions will include:

  • If you're not gay, then what's with the shoes?

  • Really? Because you look Jewish

  • Why are you that fat?

  • Did you mean to dress like a Latvian prostitute?

  • Really? Because you look like a Lib Dem

  • Do you socialise with the other kiddie-fiddlers?

Mr Hutton added: "When I look at my own CV it says that I am a good team player, I use my initiative and that I have a triple first in maths, sculpture and heart surgery from Yale. Bollocks, the lot of it.

"I'm actually profoundly under-qualified and unable to dress myself, but do you want to be the business secretary? Let me assure you, it's absolutely fucking tedious."

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