Flexible working not suitable for actual jobs

01-07-14

FLEXIBLE working is impractical for jobs where work needs to be done, it has emerged.

It's dynamic

It’s dynamic

All UK employees are now entitled to request ‘flexitime’, but evidence suggests it may only be suitable for those doing media jobs or working in local council administration.

Fireman Tom Logan said: “We’ve been trying out flexible working, but it’s difficult to put out a warehouse fire when you’re sitting at home with a laptop eating biscuits.

“No matter how many strongly-worded emails you send, it still seems the only way to prevent burning buildings from being gutted is to go and drench them with water and foam.

“Still, I did have some excellent quality time with my cat.”

Accounts assistant Donna Sheridan said: “My company lets me choose my hours and work from home, but my job is still boring as fuck.

“Also it takes forever to organise anything by phone and email, probably because my colleagues are in the garden and playing Swingball.

“Every day it takes me 20 hours to do eight hours work, so next week I’m going back to my hellish three-hour commute to the office just to get a bit of rest.”

However, freelance video artist Stephen Malley said: “In my industry we work flexibly, partly because it’s hard to be creative in a nine-to-five environment but mainly because media firms don’t make enough money to employ anyone full-time.

“If you’re considering a career making ‘virals’ for cool start-ups in Peckham, I’d definitely recommend having rich parents.”

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