High School Musical Stars To Have Nipples Removed
THE teenage stars of the High School Musical phenomenon are to have their nipples removed with lasers, Disney announced last night.
The entertainment giant believes an across-the-board strategy of hi-tech de-nippling will help to stem the tide of topless photographs appearing on the internet.
Disney has also warned its young stars that any future scandals will result in the sudden disappearance of their grandparents.
The move comes after Vanessa Hudgens, who plays bookworm Gabriella, was pictured displaying at least two of her nipples in a series of perfectly framed snapshots.
The photos were taken by teen heart-throb Zac Efron, her co-star and boyfriend, who was last seen being bundled into the back of a people carrier with a bag over his head.
High School Musical tells the story of a group of teenagers who use modern dance as a substitute for obsessive masturbation.
A Disney spokesman said: "We believe that love, laughter and singing are the best ways to solve a problem.
"But if that doesn't work we're more than happy to whip off your nipples and throw your grandmother down a well."