Honda Jazz Filled With Scorpions

CAR giant Honda last night confirmed that its Jazz supermini hatchback is full of deadly scorpions.

It's a simple fix that involves doing this 800 times

The company is to recall more than 80,000 cars but insists the scorpion removal should take less than 30 minutes at a main dealer, as long as the mechanic has taken his anti-venom pills.

A spokesman said; "It was something that sneaked in at the design phase. Instead of allowing an extra 4.5 millimetres for the reverse-flow air duct, the design engineer accidentally included 800 Arizona Bark scorpions.

"In a big company like this, where projects get rubber-stamped and sent on to the next department, deadly scorpion inclusion is one of those things that can easily be overlooked.

"By the time we started production at our factory in the Belgian Congo we already had 64 million scorpions sitting around in massive bins just waiting to be installed."

Jazz driver Joanna Kramer, from York, said: "To be honest I haven't really noticed. My husband Geoff did die suddenly about three months ago on the way back from the Clifton Moor shopping centre, but the post-mortem said blood poisoning so we just assumed it was the McFlurry."

She added: "I suppose I'll take it into the garage, but it's an awful nuisance as I'm supposed to go to the doctor this morning about this throbbing, green lump on my left thigh and my alarming shortness of breath."

Meanwhile Toyota has agreed to a global recall of the hybrid Prius model amid complaints the brakes did not work particularly well on icy roads even though that is starting to sound like it might be bullshit.