THE falling of a Kate Moss hoarding onto shoppers augurs another recession, according to financial soothsayers.
A seven-foot Oxford Street billboard displaying Moss’s face was presiding over the busy retail area when it fell mysteriously, injuring three consumers and severing a window shopper’s head.
Monetary prophets have been alert for any supernatural indication of economic disaster since 2008’s spontaneous combustion of a Heidi Klum bus advert which immediately preceded the last global recession.
Commercial harbinger Wayne Hayes claims to have been visited in a dream by the giant billboard of Kate Moss.
He said: “We were all waiting for a sign and it came to us in the form of a sign.
“Other omens of financial ruin are already manifest. There have been reports of a giant marshmallow Alan Sugar lolloping through Bristol’s Cabot Circus retail area.
“And a semi-translucent floating Cash Converters outlet, staffed by strange shining beings, appeared on a pub roof in Norwich.”
Managers at Manchester’s Trafford Centre have responded to the premonitory hoarding fall by installing a sacrificial altar in the disabled toilets.
