Not enough graduates know about Freudian subtext in ‘Alien 3’, say employers

TOO many graduates have an insufficient knowledge of the psychosexual elements of the Alien films, industry leaders have warned.

UK plc makes £3bn a year from knowing that it's actually about sexual politics

Many employers believe not enough students are taking media studies degrees, leaving the UK lagging dangerously behind other nations in vital areas like being able to discuss The Goonies from an anarcho-dadaist perspective.

Denys Finch-Hatton, deputy chairman of Unilever, said: “Like many British companies, a lot of our business comes directly from media studies.

“Often a customer will ring up, anxious to understand the arcade game Ms Pacman from a contemporary feminist point of view, just because it’s really interesting.

“If whoever answers the phone can’t provide a convincing theory about how the ghosts in the maze represent an innate masculine fear of being sucked back into the mother’s vagina then we could lose their business.

“Too many students are being lured away from valuable subjects like Media Studies, Transgender Lizard Psychology and Kite Worship by more ‘glamorous’ courses like engineering and industrial Chinese.”

Media studies student, Martin Bishop, said: “Sure it’s a hard slog, but I know there’ll always be a job for me if I can convincingly apply queer theory to Thomas the Tank Engine. Well a job in Starbucks, at least.”

He added: “Starbuck is also the name of a character in Battlestar Galactica.

“Bit of media knowledge for you there. You can have that for free.”