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OIL PRICE RISE CAUSED BY PIXIES |
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THE global surge in the price of oil has been blamed on pixies, sprites and their gang of magical woodland friends.
 Naughty pixie! Back to the zoo with you!
Bill McKay, Professor of Oil Price Rises at Glasgow Clyde University, said: "Reserves are at normal levels and oil wells are not being blown up by terrorists or Americans or even destroyed by oddly named hurricanes.
"We looked at every possible scenario and were left with one unavoidable conclusion: cheeky pixies."
He added: "Supported by an extensive network of sprites, nymphs and fairies, the pixies are infiltrating stock market computers and changing all the numbers."
According to Professor McKay the creatures then run amok across petrol station forecourts changing the big price sign you can see from the road and fiddling with the pumps.
"They're ever so cheeky and naughty, while at the same time doing untold damage to the economic system that guarantees our well being," he said.
"If you see a pixie or a sprite you must catch it, put it in a jar and give it to the zoo."
Professor McKay stressed that the price rises are, "absolutely nothing to do with a bunch of profiteering shits".
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