BLACKPOOL’S tourism industry can be saved if the rest of the United Kingdom is reduced to charred, smouldering rubble, it was claimed last night.
Officials at VisitBritain insist the 25% drop in revenues can be reversed if the RAF bombs all of the seaside town’s rival destinations before the Army is sent in to bulldoze the ruins and release spores of Anthrax.
A spokesman said: “Even so, people will still prefer the smoking, Anthrax-teeming remains of Blenheim Palace until Blackpool does something about the appalling stench and the burnt chip fat that seems to cling to you for weeks after you leave.”
In a recent survey of European travellers, visiting Blackpool was voted 50th on a list of ’50 best things to do in the UK’ finishing well behind ‘becoming a knife-crime statistic’ and ‘eating the food’.
The town’s tourist officer Elaine Graham said: “This summer we had well over 500,000 European tourists visit us, many of whom would have enjoyed the attractions if they hadn’t been spending 16 hours a day picking whelks.”
The plan for the total devastation of the UK is the latest in a series of tourism boosting strategies including a bold attempt to recreate the famed Pamplona bull run using semi-retired Pleasure Beach donkeys.
Local shop owner Janet Howard said: “Whereas Pamplona tends to attract rich, Ivy League students, we enjoyed a fresh influx of Manchester thieves and smackheads, most of whom ran straight into the sea or simply stole a car.
“Meanwhile the animals stood around shitting and looking confused and then it rained, turning the Golden Mile into a river of liquidised donkey turds.
“It was all very sophisticated.”
