Ryanair To Follow Passengers Home And Wait Outside Their House
RYANAIR has agreed to pay compensation to stranded volcano passengers but said it was also going to follow them home and wait outside their house.
The budget airline confirmed it will abide by EU rules and pay for stranded passengers' food and accommodation but only if it can then mount a campaign of fear and intimidation against every last one of them.
A spokesman said: "You can have your money but you'll wish you were dead.
"We'll be waiting for you coming out of the airport car park and then we'll sit on your bumper all the way home, flashing our headlights and beeping our horn.
"Then we'll play the car stereo really loud in the middle of the night and spray paint a big fat cock under your window. And then, when your wife or teenage daughter comes out the front door we'll say really dirty things to them."
He added: "Oh dear, look what's happened… someone's gone and knocked over your wheelie bin and now there's rubbish everywhere."
Doncaster housewife Helen Archer was targeted by a Ryanair gang last September after claiming a partial refund for being punched in the face by chief executive Michael O'Leary.
She said: "They were horrible, actually. They followed my little boy to school and pulled his trousers down in front of everyone. Then they kept throwing a tennis ball into the middle of a busy road so that our dog would run after it.
"And finally they stuck something through our letter box which I'm pretty sure was human poos."
She added: "If it happens again this year I'm probably going to switch to easyJet."