Scottish And Southern Cuts Prices Just In Time For Summer

SCOTTISH and Southern Energy has made the bold move of cutting its prices to coincide with it getting lighter and warmer of an evening.

Or you can make a dung fire

The company said the cut would represent a £30 a year reduction, or just enough to buy the three litres of Asda Smart Price vodka you are going to need when you open your latest quarterly bill.

A spokesman said: "This our way of saying thank you to our loyal customers and reminding them that unless they want to burn pig dung they can shut it."

The company has pledged to review the price structure approximately 1.5 seconds after the first leaf hits the ground in September.

Should next winter prove to be a mild one, they plan to rent a fleet of tug boats to drag Britain 800 miles north and park it off the coast of Norway.

Although the utilities market is still volatile, the company stressed that its autumn pricing would be linked to wholesale factors, supply guarantees and an overwhelming desire for a Mercedes S-Class and a private zoo.

Gas user Tom Logan said "This great news means we may be able to afford some bacon this summer, or perhaps even a little sausage.

"Although if we want to cook it, we are going to have wait for a hot day and then leave it on a large flat stone."