Tax Accountants Order New Bentleys

BRITAIN'S tax accountants were last night gleefully flicking through brochures for the Bentley Continental GT after chancellor Alistair Darling unveiled radical plans to take more money from rich people.

You fucking beauty

As Mr Darling outlined his strategy to present the incoming Conservative government with an Olympic-sized swimming pool filled with shit, tax accountants were locked in an intense debate over whether or not to go for the soft-top version.

Tom Booker, an accountant from London, said: "It's got a 'bluetooth' and something called 'multi-zone climate control'. Amazing. And look at all that leather. There must be at least nine cows in there."

He added: "Anyway, I must get on. Busy, busy, busy."

Following the chancellor's announcement the government of the Cayman Islands unveiled its plan to reclaim more than 20 square miles of the Caribbean Sea to construct the dozens of new buildings that will contain the tiny offices of thousands of shell companies set up by British tax accountants.

Meanwhile economists and art historians last night congratulated Mr Darling for presenting Britain's first ever surrealist budget.

Bill McKay, deputy director of the Tate Modern, said: "None of it makes sense. Not a single word. It was a very brave thing to do."

He added: "The growth forecast for 2011 is an avant-garde masterpiece. It's as if the budget has been written by Salvador Dali during a particularly hallucinogenic bout of tropical fever."

Julian Cook, chief economist at Madeley Finnegan, said: "I especially like the bit about wiping out the £1.4 trillion deficit by increasing tax for all domestic cats who earn more than £10,000 a year.

"We're really just talking about those cats that appear in television adverts and there can't be more than four of them."