We charge ‘bloody difficult’ people double, confirm tradesmen

03-05-17

ELECTRICIANS, plumbers and car mechanics have confirmed that if customers are ‘bloody difficult’ they pay at least twice as much. 

Following Theresa May’s reiteration that she is a ‘bloody difficult woman’, tradesmen across the country admitted they had subconsciously already added extra, unspecified charges to her bill.

Garage worker Wayne Hayes said: “Yeah, I know the type. Usually teachers or self-employed, though vicar’s daughter fits.

“Make a huge song and dance about how they’re going to be querying every charge before you even start so you’re well prepared to get the really fucked carburetor out of the back to show them later.

“All you have to do is act really cowed and impressed, like you’ve never had a customer kick up a fuss before, and they pay all the made-up shit with a self-satisfied smirk on their faces. Easy.”

European Commission president Jean-Claude Juncker, wiping his hands on an oily rag, said: “Oh, actually we discovered the UK has further financial obligations which we had overlooked previously.

“You are welcome to query. I trust you are an expert on the inner workings of the EU?”

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