Yahoo unveils plan to make users hate it

YAHOO’S radical new PR strategy involves making all its customers want to strangle it.

"Negative emotions are very powerful"

“Negative emotions are very powerful”

The company launched its loathing-based approach to customer relations by making its email service far more awkward to use.

CEO Marissa Mayer said: “Everyone company under the sun has been trying to making its customers love it, no one has done hate yet, this is completely new.

“What I’ve done is taken a service that people really liked and then fucked with it.

“My plan is to take our users down to their base levels of anger and then to build them back up as newer more faithful customers.

“It’s a carrot and stick concept. I came up with it and I get paid loads so it’s definitely a good idea.”

Even self-confessed ‘mild mannered’ members of the public have been whipped into a toxic frenzy of hate by changes to the popular interface.

Yahoo user Derek Gibson said: “I’ve never cared less about polar ice caps melting or human rights abuses, but they’ve taken away the tabs function and I’m too lazy to get a new email account. Now I really want to hurt something.

“I’d send an email to Marissa directly, but currently it’s frozen and I’m trying to switch it back to classic, but my addresses aren’t automatically coming up.

“Oh my god, I hate you Yahoo with every essence of my being.”

Marissa Mayer said: “There’s 240,000,000 users pissed off and ready to go, that’s perhaps the biggest army in the world.

“We could take that anger and, for example, attack Google for not giving me that promotion.”