Angry Cheryl Fans Demand Real Miming
CHERYL Cole has angered fans after it emerged she will perform on the X-Factor using a remote controlled, animatronic mouth to mimic the appearance of live miming.
On this Saturday's show Cole will perform her debut solo single, Fight for this Nightlcub Toilet, while standing behind the computerised mouth as a team of specialists use long syringes to fire fake tears into the corners of her eyes.
An X-Factor spokesman said: "For performers of Cheryl's stature, it is now standard practice to use a state-of-the-art pseudo-mouth.
"Rest assured, we've picked out a lovely, wide juicy one, not some tiny Dot Cotton thing that looks like a cat's bumhole.
"It's made of latex rubber and acrylic polymers and can be controlled from up to 300ft away. We basically just strap it to her face and turn on the music. All she has to do is waggle her legs around for about three and a half minutes."
He added: "It can get a bit messy during rehearsals because Cheryl often confuses it for her own mouth and tries to push little sausages into it."
Meanwhile, TV watchdogs described Cole's animatronic mouth as part of a worrying trend where producers use sophisticated technology to make performers appear talented, or in some cases, human.
An Ofcom spokesman: "Hands up who knew that Kate Thornton is actually a heavily-photoshopped settee, or that Philip Schofield is a part-wolf cyclops covered in psoriasis?"