BRITNEY Spears is to be frozen in a tube until pop standards decline sufficiently for her to relaunch her career, it was confirmed last night.
The star’s management took the decision after experts said chart music quality will continue on a downward trajectory relaltive to Spears, before bottoming out in 2569.
A spokesman said: “To many 563 years may seem like a very short space of time, but she’s really not that bad.”
Musicologist Dr Julian Cook explained: “By 2569 popular music will have degenerated to the extent that the Academy of St Martin in the Fields will take down its portrait of Schubert to make way for a poster of Dappy from N-Dubz.
“The biggest-selling track will be a recording of dead mammals being dropped by a ginger child into a huge steel container, probably entitled Bonk or Beach Tits.”
He added: “Meanwhile the educated cultural elite will flock to elegant concert halls to hear renditions of Sisquo’s Thong Song performed by a collective of muscular dwarves in bondage gear.
“TV talent shows will also continue to be a prime source of musical degradation, particularly Britain’s Got The Ability To Press The Demo Button On A Keyboard and The Vaginal Flute Factor. Thus I predict moderate success for a defrosted Britney, if she can stay off the sauce.”
However, those close to Britney are concerned about similar plans by the singer’s ex-husband, who has named himself ‘K-Fed’ after an obscure budget supermarket chain.
An insider said: “Britney is terrified that K-Fed will emerge from a deep freeze in 600 years time clutching a now-archaic sex tape.
“However experts have reassured her that by then pornography will be so ubiquitous that slobbery blowjobs will be a type of formal greeting considered obligatory even in high-level business meetings.”
