Brown To Appoint Susan Boyle Tsar

GORDON Brown last night outlined plans for a high powered 'tsar' to oversee the regulation of Susan Boyle.

General Jackson has been working on the reorganisation of Kerry Katona

Signalling the start of Labour's fightback, the prime minister is also expected to unveil a radical Susan Boyle-themed reshuffle on Friday with ministers being told to ensure all policies have been Susan Boyle-proofed.

A furious Mr Brown phoned freak-judges Simon Cowell and Piers Morgan on Sunday night to ask what they did to upset Susan and stressing, in the strongest possible terms, that if they made her cry again they would have to deal with him.

The prime minister is now receiving half-hourly updates from Boyle's doctors at the Priory Clinic and has had a CCTV camera installed in her bedroom so he can watch over her as she sleeps.

Dismissing the continued speculation over his own future, Mr Brown insisted he was 'getting on with the job' of reforming Britain Must be Stopped and ensuring the country emerged from the recession with a healthy Susan Boyle able to cope with the challenges of globalisation.

A Downing Street spokesman said: "Do you think my CV should be justified or aligned left? And what about fonts? I think Times Roman makes me come across as mature and professional."

Possible 'tsar' candidates include former BBC director general Greg Dyke, Tesco chief executive Sir Terry Leahy and retired Army Chief of Staff, General Sir Mike Jackson.

Number 10 has also sounded-out the New Avengers actress Joanna Lumley, who has an impressive track record in defending small, slightly unusual people with impenetrable accents.