Celebrities you like all dying because you’re getting old, say experts

05-02-16

worriedman

THE recent spate of celebrity deaths is because you, and all the famous people you like, are getting really old, experts have confirmed.

The recent deaths of David Bowie, Lemmy, Alan Rickman, Terry Wogan and Earth, Wind & Fire’s Maurice White were not caused by a mysterious celebrity plague, but by their advanced age which, for their fans, is likely only one generation ahead.

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, said: “Celebrities died in the 1980s as well, you know.

“But they were people like Rock Hudson and Rita Hayworth, and because you’d never heard of them you changed the channel and ignored your parents’ realisation of their own mortality.

“Where were you when Bobby Moore died in 1993? Probably listening to trip-hop, unconcerned unless death took someone your own age like River Phoenix.”

He added: “I’m afraid that not only do all celebrities die, but so do all non-celebrities. Think of this as a way of preparing yourself.”

19-year-old Eleanor Shaw said: “God, all these old people still moaning on about Bowie. Why can’t they be into stars like Jennifer Lawrence and Taylor Swift who are, like me, immortal?”

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