Gwyneth Paltrow’s Marriage Over, Say Her Knees

GWYNETH Paltrow’s four-year marriage to Coldplay frontman Chris Martin is over, the Hollywood star’s knees revealed last night.

Paltrow's knees have worked with some of the world's top radiographers

According to the knees, the pair will announce a split within days with Paltrow blaming Martin’s unreasonably high voice and his inability to grow a proper man’s beard.

The actress and her knees have been inseparable in recent weeks with the highly visible leg joints accompanying her to premieres of her new film Iron Man while husband Chris was nowhere to be seen.

One friend said: "He's never liked her knees. Especially after they told her to steer clear of him 'cause he's a donkey-faced bedwetter who yodels like an Austrian pervert.

"But she loves them. It was her knees that got her back on her feet after her split with Brad."

Nikki Hollis, a celebrity marriage analyser, said high hemlines and bare knees were often the first outward sign that a star couple’s relationship was on the rocks.

She said: "For years you would not have known she had knees, it’s been long dresses or those horrible three-quarter combats that make you look like a deformed dwarf.

"Suddenly she’s out every night dressed as a stripper while he’s at home growing muesli in his bum fluff and looking like a smelly tramp.

"People used to think it was all made-up about Charles and Diana, but go and look at that photograph from the Taj Mahal and tell me what you see: knees."