Hurley to decapitate warne after intercourse

13-12-10

LIZ Hurley has announced the imminent closure of her relationship with Shane Warne.

Hurley uses the the blood to make the most delicious black puddings

The novelty actress confirmed that once she has mated with the legendary Australian spin-bowler she will kill him by piercing his abdomen with one of her extended claws before tearing his head off.

Hurley said she would eat part of him immediately and then devour the rest at her organic pig farm near Cirencester.

The star also confirmed her marriage to Indian millionaire Arun Nayar had ended without a satisfactory consummation and the resulting feast.

Nayar said: “I did not become massively wealthy by being stupid enough to think Liz Hurley was not going to rip my head off and eat it.”

But Warne is upbeat about having deadly sex with the star of the unnecessary Bedazzled remake and that one where she played Lord Byron’s girlfriend in which she is so unspeakably bad that you actually stop laughing at her and get really quite angry.

He said: “She’s a wonderful and very sexy lady and I have no doubt that we will be together for the rest of our lives.”

Warne then repeated his prediction that the relationship had a long and happy future despite having the Hurley mating process explained to him seven times, using pictures and hand gestures.

He added: “I think we should get married next Spring.

“Why not?”

 

 

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