Jamie Oliver calls for ban on eating

JAMIE Oliver plans to combat obesity by banning people from eating food. 

The celebrity chef is calling on MPs to boycott anything edible, except for a bit of tapenade on special occasions.

Jamie Oliver said: “By finally putting a stop to the outdated and unhealthy habit of eating food, I am confident that we will trigger a rapid drop in obesity.

“People who aren’t chefs or rich enough to have their own chefs just can’t be trusted to eat food. They are having bowls of sugar-coated shit for breakfast just because Tony the Cougar told them it’s full of magic.

“In some cases they’re too stupid to put the food in their mouths and are just sticking it up their arses, which is causing all sorts of problems.”

He added: “I am starting with my restaurants. As far as I am concerned if people want food from Jamie’s Kitchens they can have it outside with the other dirty stinking eaters.”