Johnson And Windsor In Wig Sharing Deal
LONDON mayor Boris Johnson has entered into an historic wig-sharing agreement with Eastenders actress Barbara Windsor.
Under the deal the pair will share wigs in the event of fire, flooding or theft in a bid to ensure that at least one of London's two most unbearable icons is always available for public viewing.
The move follows Johnson's incredibly tedious appearance on the popular soap opera, during which he ordered a pint of bitter without trying to have sex with anyone.
A spokesman for the mayor said: "Boris really wanted to do a story line where he had sex in a cupboard with one of the young, blond actresses, preferably the one with the plastic nose.
"But we eventually agreed a compromise where he did a scene with Barbara Windsor while imagining he was having sex in a cupboard with the Barbara Windsor from Carry On Doctor."
Meanwhile the BBC has rejected accusations of political bias from former mayor Ken Livingstone, reminding the Labour politician that the election was two years ago and he was soundly beaten by his worst nightmare.
Livingstone said: "When I was mayor I wanted them to do a story about how the US government should drop its economic sanctions against Cuba in exchange for Castro repealing laws which discriminate against homosexuals.
"But they said it would not have rung true as Ricky and Bianca both felt Castro had betrayed the founding principles of the people's revolution and would therefore have dismissed the idea out of hand."
A corporation spokesman insisted: "Allowing Ken Livingstone to appear on Eastenders would have breached the BBC's guidelines on allowing Ken Livingstone to appear in Eastenders.
"These guidelines are in place for a very good reason: He's a dreadful bastard who makes people want to puke."