Lohan Still Looking Pretty Good For All The Drugs, Doctors Have To Admit
TROUBLED actress Lindsay Lohan is still highly do-able despite all the drugs, doctors have conceded.
The admission follows the publication of photos which seem to show the Mean Girls star injecting heroin, indulging in convincing pseudo-lesbianism with Paris Hilton and probably fellating a horse dressed as John Candy at a sleazy Hollywood party of the type you can only dream of attending.
Experts believe the images are clear evidence that the intervening three years of ultra-hard partying have had no effect whatsoever on the actress’s looks, and that if anything she’s gotten even more darkly alluring.
Dr Martin Bishop said: “As a member of the medical profession I would dearly love to use Lindsay Lohan to illustrate the horrific physical effects of drugs to her young and impressionable fan base.
“Unfortunately she still looks fine. Better than fine in fact. Have you seen her in the posters for that new Robert Rodriguez film where she’s dressed as a slutty nun? Fucking hell.”
He added: “I should probably point out that her wanton excess has however led to a harrowing stint behind bars which has either ruined her life or made it seem even more incredibly exciting and cool in an 80s, straight-to-video sleaze sort of way, depending on how you look at it.”
Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “Maybe it’s good genes or something. I mean, people say she’s lost it, but if you spotted her in Asda it’d be like seeing a rare orchid growing out of a bunged-up Glasgow toilet bowl.”