Morrissey’s cat hates him
MORRISSEY’S cat thinks his owner is a knob, it has emerged.
Requiescat the cat, who shares a luxury condominium with the former Smiths frontman, explained that conditions were so unbearable he’d taken to frantically pressing the red button on the remote whenever he saw an RSPCA advert.
The cat said: “I am forced to eat vile vegetarian muck, some sort of textured protein that tastes as depressing as the unrequited love his lordship’s always banging on about.
“If I catch a mouse he never lets me finish killing it, but wrestles it from my jaws and starts reading it stories from the People’s Friend.
“Also the whole house smells of bittersweet nostalgia.
“I tried to show him how I felt by shitting on the floor, but he retaliated by curling one into my litter tray.
“Then, instead of renewing my pet insurance, he took the money to William Hill and put a bet on me dying in 2015.”
“I swear I saw him eat a KFC Boneless Bucket in the dark, when he thought I was asleep. I think he then stroked the image of the Colonel and sighed.”
However Morrissey’s dog Cromwell said: “I quite like him. Once I bit Johnny Marr and Morrissey gave me a crisp £10 note and some poetry books.”