OJ Simpson to run for president

21-07-17

OJ SIMPSON, released from prison yesterday, has announced his intention to run for President of the United States. 

The former footballer, actor and star of the ratings-busting 90s hit OJ Simpson murder case believes that, post-Trump, there are no barriers to his becoming the most powerful man in the world.

He said: “Once, it was impossible to imagine either a black man or a convicted criminal in the White House. But no more.

“I believe that becoming president would be the first step towards my rehabilitation in the eyes of the American public, who used to love OJ.

“I would campaign to Put The Juice Back Into America, or Make The Glove Fit Again, and I believe that Americans who remembered me fondly from the Naked Gun films would vote for me regardless of my unfitness for office.

“My key campaign promise would be to cover the continental US with a giant retractable roof, like football stadiums have, to protect us against North Korean missiles, global warming, sudden showers and ISIS.”

US pollster Joe Turner said: “This presidential run is insane. He will definitely win.”

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