Pope headhunted by Satan
POPE Benedict XVI is leaving his post at the Vatican to work for the devil.
Joseph Ratzinger handed in his 30 days’ notice to God, telling a surprised deity that he would be taking up a key role with His arch-rival.
The Pope will become marketing director at Satan’s newly-founded Temple of Darkness, a global devil-worship brand.
He said: “Poping has been great fun and over the last eight years I have met a lot very strange people with some fascinating secrets.
“This isn’t about money, it’s about the creative challenge. I’ll be using my understanding of dogma to create a manifesto for a great new sin-based brand.
“Satan runs a fun, hip organisation – he’s like the Google of worship. There’ll be chilled out brainstorming sessions and loads of muffins.
“Also, I hate hymns, so it’ll be great to organise services where we listen to Cradle of Filth.
“And it will be nice to finally work for a company where I can say, ‘yeah, we’re supposed to do stuff like that’.”
He added: “Thanks to all the priests and nuns, I hope we stay in touch. Thanks to God – I couldn’t have done it without You. And of course, thanks to Tony and Cherie – you guys are mental!”
Satan said: “The Hitler Youth and the Vatican. I should be working for him.”