Pretend Marriage On Made-Up Rocks

THE pretend marriage of Jordan, the pretend novelist, and Peter André, the pretend human, was last night on the completely made-up rocks.

Jordan referred to André affectionately as 'bloke'

Friends of the couple's management company say Jordan, the fictional name of Katie Price, is pretending to be devastated after André invented one of his made-up words without consulting her.

A spokesman for the friends said: "Peter came home in the early hours of Sunday morning, pretending to be stinking of booze and cheap, slutty eyeliner, but things really kicked-off the next morning when he told Katie that he was 'exackered'.

"Peter said it was a combination of 'exhausted' and 'knackered', but Katie was clearly pretending to be furious with him.

"Within seconds the management company had got involved, pointing out that this would be the perfect pretext for an acrimonious pretend break-up resulting in lots of very real money from the idiot readers of OK! magazine."

The spokesman added: "After having the word 'pretext' explained to them, they both agreed that it was probably a really good idea."

According to friends of the spokesman, Price has fled the country using her Jordan passport and will pretend to be heartbroken until her next pretend novel comes out.

A friend said: "It's such a shame that their obviously fictional love affair has ended in such a transparently false way. But it will all be great material for whoever it is that's been writing all her books."