Royal foetus planning typical royal lifestyle

THE royal foetus plans to get a pair of mediocre A-levels, have a brief military career or set up an unsuccessful cake business, it has emerged.

It already looks exceptionally well-bred

Speaking via ultrasound, the foetus announced that before its coronation it would pursue various quasi-jobs while spending at least four months of the year on skis.

The foetus said: “My early years will mainly consist of being a perturbed-looking child, after which I will attend one of the less academic public schools to acquire a C in German.

“After university I’ll go into my favourite bit of the army for a while before becoming honorary president of the Camera Obscura Appreciation Society.

“If I’m a girl I’ll skip the military bit and set up a niche business supplying inedible cupcakes to equestrian discos.

“However, rest assured that none of this will affect my official duties of smiling at Africans, standing on balconies and signing parliamentary bills into law.”

The foetus added that while it pursued its career, it would enjoy a colourful love life.

It added: “I’ll be having a series of relationships with people whose names would have been rejected by Julian Fellowes for being too cliched.

“That’s until I find one with sufficient genetic differences so that the breeding cycle can begin again.”